space monkey

formerly desperationfascination
MY NAME IS EMILIE, I AM CANADIAN AND I NEED TO BE SEDATED.

oddities/crackwhores/gore/melancholia/film/film stills/random shit
i'm socially awkward and tomato faced and a laveyan satanist and i'm a timwhore and i'm blonde haired blue eyed and i love shit jokes. spare a follow, bro?

ask me something bro / about me / boo / blabbing / music i've posted / photog tumblr/  starving haitians

emilie’s 10 step guide to stop living a drama filled life 

1. if you find yourself saying ‘apparently..’ in a conversation about someone else, STOP. you know what you’re doing? you’re passing along juicy gossip about someone, likely passed on by a third party, and blah blah blah, you don’t even know if its true. and if it is true please evaluate whether or not you have the god damn right to pass along this piece of information.

2. stop griping and surround yourself with different people. i’m sick of seeing your facebook statuses about how the town you live in is ‘so full of bullshit and lies’. the TOWN isn’t full of bullshit and lies, but the people you CHOOSE to surround yourself with time and time again may be. broaden your horizons and go befriend the obese kid wolfing down lunch in the library cubicles. i bet he won’t tell others that you anal probed your ex best friends’ cousin’s stepfather

3. don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.  think about your current situation. is it really that bad? is it really that important? will it matter in a month or two? exactly, it won’t. (but if for some reason it will… start a teenage angst journal or something. seriously. been there done that)

4. stop feeling the need to tell other people your personal shit. if you have a ‘secret’ you absolutely need to get out, talk to someone you trust. if there are actually 10 or more “someones” you trust, think again. if it’s juicy enough, a couple of them are bound to pass it on to their other fellow gossip hounds.  (pssst whens the last time you honestly and truly kept 100% of a really big secret about someone from a very close friend? yeah i know, its impossible )

5. god, get a god damn tumblr. well assuming you already have one (derp), get two. one for your angsty shit and one for those hipster pictures you collect. because when i follow your hipster blog because i enjoy the hipster fap material, your dramatic life is killing my erection

6. and GET A GOD DAMN HOBBY. go take up something like cactus collecting. orchid hunting. bottle rocket building. something creative and semi productive and interesting. it’ll give you something to talk about that isn’t how jimmy came in sallys hair when they were drunk.. and stuff

7. also, have you ever played telephone? where one person in a circle passes on a sentence to the person next to them by whispering, and this sentence makes its way around  the circle until it reaches the last person. and without fail, the last person utters something completely ridiculous which was nothing like the original sentence? that’s how rumours work. because when you tell people like me, we’ll overexaggerate that shit to the max before we pass it on. because fuck, the whole 2 seconds of seeing someone’s reaction to your exaggerated secret is very satisfying

8. stop dwelling on shit. (see #3) don’t make something upset you more than it actually should. (and shit, we’re ALL guilty of doing this) 

9. don’t get heavily intoxicated every weekend. i understand you’re such a cool kid and you like to get wasted in the bushes every friday and saturday night and puke everything up on sunday, but seriously, am i not right to assume most of the friend dramaz that occur in a teenager(who drinks)’s life are related to times of intoxication? oh and your liver will thank you

10. last but not least, reconsider your circle of buds. when it seems like the whole goddamn world is against you and so many ~lies~ are fluttering about, walk away and go do a science project or some shit (see #6)  instead of bitching incessantly. (see #8 and #2) chances are, you (yes, you) have done this to someone else. (see #1 and #7) 

you’re responsible for your own goddamn happiness-  (see #8)  and i know friends can be a big part of that. but when its at the point where you’re in constant battle with one of your ‘bfflz’, please go over why you are friends with this person in the first place, and why you continue to put up with them. 

spend more alone time. go for walks. sign out of msn and aim. try a day without facebook. catch up with that brain of yours, it has better things to focus on than the same ‘drama’ shit day in day out