• i’m going to do a course. i stumbled upon lynda, signed up for a free trial, then got sheepishly intimidated by all the topics i could explore. self doubt overcame me and i chose the most mild 59min course i could find and it happened to be on ‘social media for small business’. i work for a pharmacy and my boss is always griping about our poor social media following. i want to tell my boss that the reason our social media has no following is because it’s simply not worth following. it’s not fun, funny, edgy, creative or clever. it’s contrived and commercial and i just have no idea how to articulate that to her without specifically tearing down my colleague who is in charge of our social media. i paid attention to a whole 15 minutes worth of videos on the topic before i got all impassioned with rekindling my flame with graphic design, see below
  
  
• i’m going to create little “follow us on instagram” cards because the ones we hand out at work are stupid. the fonts we use are stupid, the paper we use is cheap, and gosh darn it, i’m going to do a better job and present it to my boss whilst asking for the raise i am too chickenshit to ask for. i’m going to show her why i deserve a raise. i can do more than what i’m currently doing for her. i can help make her business thrive.
  
  
•  except holy fuck i forgot how to navigate photoshop with any more fluency than a wide eyed twelve year old opening the program for the first time. I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR GRAPHIC DESIGN. i am so embarrassed with how i am bumbling around the program with zero ease whatsoever. ive become clunky. i’ve become clunky and not really useful with any specific task or skill anymore. 
  
  
•  aha! i’m going to search lynda for some photoshop refreshers, but i get bored to tears scrolling down the thumbnails. it reminds me of how out of touch i’ve gotten with the program i used to dance with. the tutorials i see are insanely specific; i have no interest in learning how to make a 3D animal striped heading nor do i have any hankering to create the perfect pastel polka dot background. i just want to resume my graphic design-bound future with the wave of a magic goddamn wand and suddenly acquire the skill set of my former classmates who actually stuck with the program and graduated. 
  
  
• and since what i want is not possible without an insane amount of work and concentration, i shall look for free photoshop mock ups from which i can create the perfect promotional piece of ….wherever the fuck my mind was at that moment. i end up finding the perfect one, click on it and… it’s only free if you agree to credit the creator. now i’m not interested in crediting anybody at this moment, only receiving the credit myself. i sink into how sad that is.
  
  
• my roommate emerges from his room and his face reminds me that he deserves a clean home and i should clean the explosion of my personal belongings that has occured in nearly all common areas. 
  

so i stop the graphic design revival, the social media for small business videos, i put away the notebook and i start doing what i should have been doing all along. 

still paying for this domain